Friendships

Special Notice

Please note that this webpage is in the process of being rolled out to the public. We apologize for the inconvenience, and relevant sections will be added soon.

How to Make Friends

• Belonging can be taught, and it requires a series of interpersonal skills and self-reflection which allows you to:
  1. Teach others how you want to be treated.
  2. Help others overcome their negativity biases.
  3. Have confidence in when and how to assert yourself at the right time based on who you speak to.
     • This includes accumulating experiences that builds confidence to know when it is advantageous to lash out in anger, and when it is destructive and short-sighted.
  4. Know when and how to walk away from relationships without acting against your best interest.
• You may not feel worthy, but you will lose friends on the way to growth, and that is OK.
  • Just make sure you invest in people who genuinely have your back and replenish you.
  • A strong home base is important.
  • In some cases you may need to help others understand you. Do not be afraid to lose people who cannot return the respect for their boundaries that your friendship offers them.

We end up with the friends we believe we deserve.

🚩 Red Flags 🚩

They

• … speak poorly about others behind their back, or they are a gossip.
  • Chances are they would do the same to you.
• … only speak to you when they need something or vent.
• … promote ableism, ableist microaggressions, or encourage thoughts of internalized ableism.
  • At the same time, they do not respond well to being called-in for their actions.¹
  • “Call-in” someone by asking them, “what do you mean by that”?

They Do Not

• … apologize when they hurt others.
• … respect boundaries, even when they are aware that you are setting them in an accessible way.

✅ Green Flags ✅

You

• … feel like you belong
  • Belonging is the opposite of fitting in.

They

• … respect you.
• … accept you.

Navigate Social Situations

Set Healthy Boundaries

Explainers

These are links you can send to your friends to minimize the effort you need to make in bridging the Double Empathy Problem.

• Late diagnosis trauma

• The Double Empathy Problem

Autism

• Understand what unsupported Autism can look and feel like.
• Conflict and meta-communication

Footnotes

1. Comparison: “calling someone in” for ableism vs. “calling them out”